My brain hurts and I'm annoyed. Only have 1,500 words to go for Sosu and I has no posts to reply to.. well.. one, but it will be replied to asap!

I still exist.

I've been having fun with my new tablet and enjoying how better my art is digitally than real media.. oh well.

And I've been spending too much time with CJ and my cats. It's cold here so we are like having some seriously cabin fever going. I did go out with Jennifer the other day to take pictures in the snow.. now I can barely sit down because my muscles hate me.

Sucks.

Some new art
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/pomamese/davihead.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/pomamese/fireflysecui.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/pomamese/happyw.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/pomamese/zanaeire.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/pomamese/Ryanpose.jpg

Need to fix Zana's hand and ink the blue ones but otherwise I'm happy with my new found tablet skills.

And just because he misses being in my journal.





Yeah. Happy times.

Guess what? I've been vaccinated, no more swine flu worries for me! Yay! Sooo... yeah, no any flu now it seems!

CJ is on bug patrol at home now, spending all his time since he's cooped up in the house searching out bugs and alerting us. Then he acts like he's stomping the bugs to death and won't stop til we get rid of the bug. Poor bugs.

Sammy and Kiddo (aka Big Momma) have taken over my bed now that winter has arrived. It's very warm and furry in my bed now and I don't mind too much.

I've been selling art on Furbuy lately, what fun, now I just need to get paypal set up correctly. Stupid thing is slow.

Sooo.. anyone want Christmas cards? I has.

Why do all my friends have hot brothers?

AND WHY IN THE HELL AM I TALKING TO PAUL ABOUT ALCOHOL...

:D My stupidity and lack of brain function amuse me.

Oh hell my brain is dead from the convention. DEAD. Black Friday didn't help much either.. how did I get convinced to go stand out in the cold at 3 AM to buy stuff.. oh yeah.. it wasn't my money.. :D

I had fun still though. :D

CJ got his H1N1 shot. Yay!

All I have to say is..

6-2-1 I failed you. Bossin' the Zoo tonight at MFF, finishing the badges and bracelet commissions I didn't get done today.

and ew. I saw a PM today, I'm sorry.. I am one of those people who doesn't like to see those I care about hurt.. and just seeing him kindof made me angry.. then made me twitch. I'm horrible at being able to mask my dislike.. lol. I hope he didn't realize who I was glaring at him.

So.. Jaya and Caity will know what this is all about.. and Leona probably too..

How ironic (not really) that my mind turns to him about this time of year.. was it the fact that Soul's newest skin has lyrics from a song he so loved.. or that his birthday was just last week.. that Thaine asked me something about him.. going through old art..or was it just because thoughts of him always linger.

I don't know.. but I stumbled upon his art page and found Caity's yearly comment she leaves there and I just broke down. Yeah I've moved on.. in some ways but in others I don't think I ever will. I can live life day to day and find happiness and comfort in my friends and my son.. but it still doesn't feel right.

Not knowing where you are.. what life's handed you.. if you were really the real you.. I don't know. Sometimes I think I don't want to know.. but honestly.. I think I need to. I can put this behind me.. but I can't forget it.

I know I screwed up in the end.. maybe you'd still be around if I hadn't.. but I'll never know will I.. will any of us?

That you’re always in my heart
You’re always on my mind
And when it all becomes too much
You’re never far behind

And there’s no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
‘Cause only you can love me this way

I'm so angry about this lack of vaccinations I could scream. My son and I are both part of the groups that they think need to get vaccinated and yet neither of us can get the damn shot! My doctor is being a bitch and only giving it out to healthcare providers and CJ's doctor is only giving it out to kids with cancer, immune disorders and heart issues. CJ has a heart problem and he can't even get the damn shot. They scheduled him for the end of the month.. IF they have enough to start sharing with the infants and young toddlers by then.

My school was suppose to give me the shot but they never got their shipment. I'm so worried that I'm going to bring it home from school or my own doctors appointments.. and poor CJ is basically on lockdown except for doctors appointments because we're afraid he's going to get it since his immune system sucks so horribly in the winter.

I hate this waiting and fear..

So, CJ is back home in Indiana and very happy and still a monster.. except he has a larger vocabulary and likes to tell everyone how much he wants things. Everything he picks up is 'I want that!".. but atleast he forgets how much he wanted it within a few moments.

I've got all sorts of pretty CJ photos to upload but I left them at home! Bad me.

Hopefully I'll get to go to MFF this year, working on getting the money together right now. Stupid bank stole some of my money though.. they told me I had a free checking account then later started charging me for monthly service fees. :( They kept my money but closed the account atleast. Assholes.

Blah. Well, I'm still battling this thing with my health, coughing my head off but atleast I'm having fun and being busy. I got an A in my hybrid class for college! Yay!

Jarod just makes me so mad right now..

I understand he's upset about losing his job but why does he have to make everything and I mean EVERYTHING about him. He sells some of CJ's things without even telling me and I and MY family were the ones who bought CJ's stuff not him. He doesn't even have the guts to tell me I had to find out from someone else.

He acts like he can't pack up everything at the apartment and move himself when I was the one who packed EVERYTHING the last two times we moved. He acts like he's helpless when he's not. I'm so furious right now I don't even know what to say to him.

We offered him a place up here thatway we could be together and he could be around CJ but he tells me he is going to try and stay in Tampa, why try and stay in Tampa when you're losing your job and you don't have a replacement? You'd have a house and food here in Indiana at least. I honestly don't think he gives a care about CJ and me anymore.. and I hate it.